dena.
Dena is 20 years old and grew up in Kuwait. Different from other individuals in this series, my discussion with her centered the notion of ‘overindulgence,’ in which years of societal and cultural restrictions followed by liberation (vis-a-vis moving abroad) led to strong inclinations to over-do much of what was repressed before. Ultimately she felt a lack of education about certain topics, such as sexual relations, masturbation, and confidence within her own skin left her feeling very uneducated about her body and fed into insecurities. There was a period where she was uncomfortable having people look at her body because she didn't see herself in a comfortable way. This has led to an element of secrecy about things she does and parts of who she is. She believes that if she was to really express herself, she would just be seen as promiscuous and damaged. While at first, it was hard to come to terms with a lifestyle not culturally appropriate, but once she was able to indulge, she found a way to take back possession of her own life, and eventually it was liberating.
dana.
For this portrait series, I worked on my own self portrait. I am 20 years old, and grew up in Kuwait although I am originally Lebanese, where many of these taboos are not as controversial. The dual-nature of my identity has left me in a state of in-betweenness; living in Kuwait meant I had to abide by conservative nature and cultural restrictions, but being Lebanese almost gave me a free card to act more openly. Through a lot of my own reflection, I realized some of the controversial topics I have been very affected by include the stigma around mental health, as well as the idea of having to constantly live my life with a specific etiquette. When looking into the stigma around mental health, this lack of education about the topic, as well as controversy around it, left me very insecure and confused about many of the own mental health issues I face. These ideas led me to repress the issues I was dealing with, and pretend they didn't exist. In terms of expectations of etiquette, it has always been reinforced that there is a certain standard of beauty and poise that must be kept at all time. Whether that be through how you speak, what you wear, or how you look. That idea of the standard has resulted in a sense of pressure I have left for myself.
may.
May is 20 years old and grew up in Dubai - a Arab country which is considerably more westernized than many others in the Middle East. I thought it would be interesting to start the portrait series with her as she may have been less impacted by the cultural expectations placed on more conservative countries, such as Kuwait. Nonetheless, while she was not as impacted by all of the taboos, as a young Arab - unmarried - woman, she faced strong stigmas against her sexuality and sexual relations. While the model claimed she knew that being in relationships was not “wrong”, she still felt there was a need to be conservative and conscientious about it. This expectation led her to feel nervous and insecure about relationships and intimacy as there is a deeply rooted notion that it is wrong. For these reasons, I wanted to emphasize and allude to the emotions she felt, while also empowering her.
sabti.
Sabti is a 20 year old male who also grew up in Kuwait, and his interview revealed that he was most impacted by the expectations of ‘masculinity’ and sexuality. He felt trapped by the judgmental and restrictive environment in Kuwait that has led him to suppress his inner character and instead play a fake role and read off a fake script. Moving abroad has helped him connect to his inner self, however, simultaneously he feels as though he has a dual personality. For this model, I wanted his photos to emphasize the idea of a dual personality, where there's always something hidden.